THE CYCLE OF THE SOUL
Part II
The Spiritual Life

Jozef Rulof

World Wide Web version
© 2014 'De Eeuw van Christus'

Preface Part 2

Dear reader,

In the first part of the book I told you about my earth and material life, of my sufferings and struggle, my questions of ‘why’ and ‘for what’ and of my exit from this material world. This time I am going to tell you about my life on this side, how I became cognizant and learned to accept this life, how all my questions were answered and how I became convinced of the existence of a God of Love. How incomprehensible all this may be to you, nevertheless it is the holy truth. It is my and your cycle on earth. If this opens the eyes of but one of you towards accepting a life that is eternal, then this work and my suffering have not been in vain.

Lantos

BEFORE me lay the astral world. Yet I could not leave. I had been meditating here for quite some time. An invisible observer, a human being had watched me, for I had clearly heard his voice since he had spoken to me. Before me lay a town and on my left I saw a road leading up to the unknown. If I took that road silence would await me, though an other silence than the one I already knew. However, I wanted to see people, to see life. Stormy though it would be, I would gladly accept it, I had been alone too long.

I still felt that frightening silence inside me. No, I did not want to go that way. I would follow this road how capricious it would be. It was clear to me that the opposing force I had felt was his. That force prevented me from going on. How strong were the powers of the human being who had died on earth to stop an other being. It was most wondrous and I was glad that I had been allowed to experience this, though I did not understand it at all. I remembered every word he had spoken to me. I thought that this silence would never end, though I now lived in an other world. How wonderful was this life. Now I understood that the years I should have lived on earth I had had to live through in that empty world and when that period was over I slowly passed into this world.

This was my hell. However, there was no fire. Everything dissolved quite naturally, an awe-inspiring justice had excluded me from the inhabitable world. I had tried to break a law that could not be broken and I had experienced the consequences. I had felt the law of cause and effect. I had been the cause and I had suffered the effect. In that silence I had experienced all this which included the process of decomposition, the most horrible part of this event. I had learned this law, through my suffering I had come into harmony with those laws of nature again. It had to be so for I felt it.

I found the condensation of the earth and life around me remarkable. In a similar way man had probably been born as well as all other life God had created. It condensed under my feet, above and to the right and left of me it grew until this world became visible to me. The soft sound grew into a terrible hurricane and that, as the spirit had said, was the passion and violence. It was a hell where people lived who were violently passionate and probably devils. How terrible I thought that. A man living on earth would not be able to understand that, it had to be experienced. Still I would like to experience it once more, but this time as an observer. Then I would be able to understand this life better and become familiar with all these powers, which I would very much like to acquire myself.

I lived on earth again and yet I was dead. But the earth before me was the astral world where people and spiritual beings who had laid off their material bodies lived together; and I was one of those. I now was an astral person and in the world where the spirit resides. How I had longed for this state when I was on earth and how anxious I had been to know more about it. Now I was in the hereafter and many strange things had happened to me already, but I still did not know a thing about this life and I was very curious to find out what was waiting for me. At last I would see and meet people, something I had long wished for. And so I set out and descended to face the unknown. The wind screamed as if earth and heaven were being destroyed. Yet I was not afraid, I had already become used to the wild howling. The more noise and howling I heard the better.

Already I made a new discovery, for when my thoughts turned to other things I hardly heard anything of all that noise. I felt then that I merged completely with what I was thinking about and entered into it so fully that all previous ideas dissolved while I took on this other one. It was exactly as when I was tied to my material body. By thinking of other things I submerged myself in them and then the pains and everything connected with that situation lessened. In this way I was able to relieve my horrible suffering somewhat. Here that very same principle worked again and this violence dissolved. A very curious thing this merging in one’s thoughts.

Step by step I proceeded, I was not in a hurry for I had all eternity before me. However, after each step I took I felt this new life was pervading me, so that I uttered deep sighs for it took my breath away. It was caused by the violence to which I returned.

Yet I found myself growing calmer. I tried out this way of merging a few times and so I learned to tune myself in and make connections spiritually myself. It was wonderful and I was delighted that I had mastered it. I had not changed in anything, on the contrary I felt much livelier. That was because I was living in a different world of which I had learned something. This was my own spiritual possession, my wisdom about which on earth I had known or understood nothing. Thousands of questions I had asked there and not one had ever been answered, but I now understood that all those questions were going to be solved by and within myself, if I would pay attention to all those forces and keep my eyes open. I had always had an appetite for knowledge and this would motivate me. This extraordinary silence now began to creep up in me and yet I was in hell. Maybe it wasn’t that dark in me? I felt I had changed. Inside I was different, because before I entered here I had feelings of hate. Now, however, I felt none. Before, in that silence, I became rebellious, but now there was rest in me. How wondrous, I thought, what a strange being you are.

I felt exactly as I did when I was alive on earth, before those terrible events had happened. Had I returned to that same state of feeling? I was precisely the same personality, I only had lost my earthly body. ‘Laid off ’ I did not dare say for I had destroyed it myself. Towards nobody I felt hate, not towards my parents either. It was an unusual feeling and I could not understand how it could be. Roni I hated and he me and yet, now that I had made amends and experienced it all, it was as if I had never known him. He seemed very far away from me. In the life on earth I had not been able to shake him off, but now that I wanted to go to him I found I could not. An invisible power had torn us apart. That is how I felt, but whether it had significance I was not sure. The way I felt now I had felt with my very first teacher. That had been a very happy time, just like now and yet I only lived in the darkness. There was a bit more light here than in that silence, but not by very much. Also all the torments I had felt that silence had lessened, like that band around my throat, and the hunger and thirst I only suffered when I thought of it. Therefore I did not think my hell such a bad place after all. I could stand it quite well, for it was not very inhuman, even though I did not possess the light Emschor had told me about.

But really, what had I done wrong? I had not cheated people or tortured them, I would not have been able to do that, but still I lived in hell. I had killed but had atoned that with my punishment. Horrible had my punishment on earth been, but it had been even worse on this side. I had been punished not once but twice, wasn’t that sufficient yet? Could not God forgive me all those petty sins? Did I have to atone for something else? I thought I sensed the problem. I had landed in a hell that was in agreement with my personality, my inner life, because hell, so said the spirit, is your inner life. If this was so then I certainly had not made much of my life on earth. If I had not committed murder and made an end to my life I still would have entered here. So it was, it could not be else. I understood this very well and accepted it.

Strange had been my talk with Roni. And I had woken him up? Just because I had been thinking of him this had happened. He could not forgive me, even if he wanted, but afterwards he told me that he hated me. This too was strange. I had the feeling that an other power had silenced his malicious feelings towards me, so that I could experience this. He was alive and somewhere, but had fallen asleep because he had the need for sleep. I too had fallen asleep and my sleep seemed to last ages, at least that is how I felt when I woke up. All these things were still mysteries and would remain unsolved for some time. The higher spirit had arranged the connection between Roni and me, but I still did not understand a thing about it. However, I did not feel inclined to start all over again with my questions of ‘why’ and ‘wherefore’. It would only upset me and I wanted to stay calm. My hell, however, was a special sort of hell, for presently I would meet people and be able to find amusement. Or were these lies too? Those demons could not be trusted, so I’d better wait and see.

It surprised me every time again that I felt so different from before. Was it because I had suffered so much? Had my inner life changed because of it? Or was it because I now resided in this life and had laid off my earthly body? I felt so wonderfully tranquil. Again questions, always more questions. I must think a little more careful and avoid these problems as much as possible.

In the distance I thought I saw the silhouette of a city. It was possible to see quite far ahead though it was very dark, which was an other miracle in itself. Nothing but miracles and problems happened to me here. It seemed almost incredible, but yet I saw a city with many towers and buildings. Wherever one was and no matter how dark it seemed one could always see well enough on this side. Not like on earth where one could not see a hand before the eyes in the dark. But in this life everything was different, myself included. And then again not, for I thought like on earth and felt exactly the same. I had arms and legs, I could hear, see and feel everything plainly.

But I was privileged in something and these were my feelings, they were sharper and livelier than on earth. Here everything had to be felt and when I felt it, then I knew it and understood it completely. Even in the darkness of my own grave I had very clearly felt the working that was going on in my material body and seen it as well. That working communicated itself to my spiritual body and I had to work it out myself; that working out was feeling. The feeling of something was in this life experience. If I thought of something, then I began to feel it and went over completely into what I was thinking. I had never lived like that on earth, only perhaps when I came under the deepest inspiration, otherwise never. In most things I did everything unconsciously. Was this wrong? Here I had to be myself totally, otherwise I caused disharmony and then all the material torments returned in me. Over here one could only think of one thing at the time, that too I had noticed.

I should continue in this way for I thought that I understood. Oh, if I had only known this on earth! How much simpler my life would have been, I would not have made it so difficult for myself. But what did people on earth know about a heaven and hell? Nothing at all. Where really was that heaven and where was God? I used to think that I had to appear before God’s throne, but that too was a lie. No God came to question me and yet that’s what I was taught. I had not listened to the religious teachers on earth and no one even questioned me about it. No spirit, no human being, no God had I seen. I now lived in hell, but as yet I had to get a glimpse of the devil. What nonsense those religious leaders preached on earth, they knew nothing about it, but they monopolized the religion. Christians who did not accept their version were branded, tortured and killed. That’s how far these people went to uphold their lies. How stupid, how frightfully stupid is mankind. I found that out in this life. Because of their ignorant nonsense, scores of people were slaughtered. It was very sad. I must accept this truth for I saw neither God, spirit nor devil. Neither was there any fire or damnation. Nothing but lies and nonsense were being preached. Yet it was quite remarkable that it were just those demons who had spoken the truth about that. Perhaps they too found it horrible. That those were true devils I was convinced, for they had lured me into a trap that had caused me much grief and agonies. That one devil appeared to be intent on my downfall, but once that was accomplished he left shouting nothing else but that revenge was sweet, which I did not understand. Also he knew me, for he called me by my name.

I was very glad that there was no damnation and no fire; for that alone I could love God already. This was a completely different God than the one they knew on earth. This one was more gentle, had more love and He was Love as the spirit Emschor told me. But Sergius [ Then head of the church ] ] proclaimed damnation, eternal burning and total destruction.

Ah, you fools and parrotries, you know nothing. You put fear in people. You think that you do good but you are wrong. It is not the way. You are blind, spiritually blind and your hearts are cold and without feelings.

This I had already learned in the short time I had been here. Where would these people live once they too would die on earth? In heaven? With God? Because their whole life long they had spoken untruth? That would be a fine thing and very unjust. Surely God could not and would not allow that. God is just, so the people said, and this was injustice, then God would be false and dishonest towards all people. If all those false preachers of that belief would land in heaven then I ought to be there too and I wasn’t for I was in hell. If one was an unbeliever then one was thrown in the dungeon and tortured. See, that seemed to me the greatest injustice of all. On earth I had to take up a religion or I too would have been killed, though all I wanted was to work quietly on my artwork. Otherwise I would never have joined, for I could feel the contradiction in their beliefs already.

It had indeed been a pity that my life was cut off so early. I had to leave my last work of art unfinished. When I compared myself with other people I felt that I was neither good nor bad. I hovered between good and evil and therefore my hell was not so inhuman. If every person carried his heaven and hell within himself, then there should be millions of heavens and hells in existence here. For where were all those people who had died on earth? Here surely? But yet I was alone, totally alone.

Was I not awake, not conscious? Did I still live in the unconscious. Were Roni and Marianne not so good as I? Or was it the other way around? Where would Marianne have gone to? Time and again I thought of those two. And my parents, were they still alive? Had Marianne taken my sculpture home with her? Perhaps she had died also? Was she dead like me? I loved her truly, would God destroy my love? Maybe God would not want me to love her? Would she be in a heaven or hell that was different from mine? I thought that I would meet her, but this had not happened. How much I loved her! Would she be mine? Would she love me as I loved her? Did she belong to me and were we one?

I was beginning to ask questions again and I did not even know whether she was dead. But yet this feeling came up in me, it was a most intense feeling. If I had to weigh those feelings of life and death, then death weighed heaviest, for I felt it more clearly. How incomprehensible, I thought, is this life. I did not dare think like I used to, but yet I found God strange, very strange. I now knew Him even less than on earth because everything here was very different. Yet I stood in awe of Him, merely already because of the things that had happened which contained the truth. Because the spirit who had warned me that I would suffer a great deal were I to make an end to my own life, had spoken the truth. It showed that he knew more about this life than I and consequently I must accept that God was Love. That same spirit, who was somewhere now and who had followed me, whose voice I had heard, who had urged me to be a little more careful in my thinking of God, that spirit had spoken the truth.

I felt nothing for throwing myself fully aware into misfortune. This God in any case was a different one than the God of my parents. Their God had been a dictator, a God who only loved them and their family. And such a God was nothing to me, I felt no respect for him. When I compared my inner feelings with their God I stood above their God and had a different mentality. All this went on in my mind now that I was in this world. The greatest enigma was solved for me and that was God. Of course I did not know Him yet, but all the experiences I had gone through gave me the strength to think in a different way. The God of my parents was a terror, who tortured people and wanted to turn me into such a ruler too. As a child I already loathed these things and today I was very thankful that I had been protected from them.

A moment ago I learned something new and exciting, it was a miracle to me. When I was thinking about God I unwittingly looked up fervently to the heavens, for that was where God should live. And while I thought of that, longing to be allowed to see through it, I suddenly felt myself rising up and I hovered a few meters above the earth. It was a miraculous happening, gravity had been lifted for me. How wondrous, I said to myself, what is happening to me this time? After that I tried it again many times and I reached higher and higher, though the darkness remained. I came to know still other powers, for when I thought of going up quickly and concentrated on it then I went with great speed. Were these the powers of the spirit, I wondered, or did they belong to the devil? I shivered at the thought of mastering devil’s tricks, for I would not want that at all. I wanted to get ahead, spiritually higher, not move further downwards. Then I would rather go on walking, always walking, rather than plunging myself back into ruin with those tricks. Yet I tried it again for it was really funny. But high enough for the darkness to dissolve I could not go, so that it remained dark all around me. This belonged to the many other peculiarities I would come to know.

Again I continued my walk and would soon reach the inhabited world. I went even faster now than before for I discovered that I could use this power also to propel myself forward. I was floating rather than walking. The earth I did not touch any more. That was also very remarkable. I could never do this on earth. There we were served by the horse, that noble animal that did what man wanted.

This way of moving forward I repeated several times also, going a bit faster every time. I fell from one surprise into an other.

Then a short distance away I saw a human being going the same way I was. I was very curious to know whether the being was from the earth or the astral world. When I came a little closer I saw that it was a woman. Had she died or did she still live on earth? I now was very close, so I gave a little cough, but she did not hear me. She paid no attention to anything and kept walking on and on. But spirit or material being she was a human being. I wanted her to notice me for perhaps I could ask her some questions. So I walked up to her and spoke to her, but she remained deaf and was probably blind too for she neither heard nor saw me. Deep in thoughts she walked on and she acted as if I was not there. A strange figure, I thought. This time I would approach her from the opposite direction, then she had to see me and could not ignore me. When I was a few steps ahead I turned back, but even now she did not notice me.

Was she still living on earth? Then I could understand why she did not see me for spirits were not visible to the human being who lived in the material body. A few of those on earth had seen spirits, but I was not one of them. She too was blind like all other people. I continued to walk close beside her, I as a dead man, while she still had her earthly body. I found it very interesting to see a person of the earth and only now did I understand how deeply hidden lies the spiritual life behind that veil. The haze that kept this world hidden was impenetrable for them. How long had I not been looking for the solution to all these problems, from early morning till late at night and I never had found an answer. Thus it was not at all unusual that she did not see me. I had now stepped into this impenetrable life. Sooner or later they all came here and they would find it just as miraculous as I.

This human being, however, kept going and going and I walked with her, because I was curious to see where she was going. She wore an exquisite robe, just like my mother had worn. Therefore I understood that she belonged to the first circles, for she was very expensively dressed. Was it day or night on earth? By her actions I concluded that it was day. She would never have been able to walk around like that at night. The city gates would be closed and whoever was not inside on time would have to remain outside, unless he was furnished with the required documents. Was she a stranger? I found her so very peculiar! Again I was acquiring more new experiences. On and on we walked. Soon we would reach the city gates.

I tried once again to communicate with her and asked: ‘Are you from the earth?’

But she remained deaf and blind. It was taking her a long time to reach her goal. We walked beside each other for a considerable time, but there did not seem to come an end to this walk. I began to get bored. Where was she going? We had been underway for hours. Did it mean something? The further we walked, the more I saw of the city. Yet this view was different from the one I saw first. What was the meaning of that? I wanted to see the inhabited world and I kept moving, but no end seemed to come to this walk. Not for her either. I felt that here was an other, a new problem.

Ah ha, something came to mind, my thinking was not lucid. I thought of everything and everybody, not of what I should be thinking of, of the earth. In this way I would never get the answer, for my thoughts flowed in all directions. I was on my way and I was not on my way. But what about her? Was she not an earth person, no material being? Once again I observed her and was startled. Her face showed a great sadness. Her eyes were empty and yet they saw, for she continued to walk on and on, but her head was bent towards the earth and she was absorbed in thought. Did those eyes see or was she a sleepwalker? I myself was in a very strange mood. It seemed to me that she looked right through the earth. Was I indeed connected with the earth or not? I began to doubt myself. Who was she and what kind of human being was she? A spirit, a problem?

Suddenly I thought to feel this enigma. I tried following her in her thought pattern and really, I felt it clearly: she had died on earth, for within me came death. Now I understood this wonder. She had committed suicide and lived in that silence. I had met a suicide, but because I had not tuned myself in properly I got the wrong experiences.

Now I tuned myself in on earth and immediately this world condensed and I saw the earth before me. Then I concentrated on her again, but still kept contact with the earth and saw that she was enclosed by a haze. She now was a shadow to me, exactly as I had seen the demons in my dungeon. This was a miraculous happening. A human being who had made an end to her life, a woman.

Ah, you cannot be given help, for now I understood the whole situation. She could be going on for years and still there would be no end. I could only hope that she would not have had to live hundred years on earth, otherwise her sorrow would be indescribable. I too had walked in this way, so I knew her suffering. She had to undergo the experience, for in this way she lived out her earthly life. No, she could not hear or see me. Still some day this world in which I was now would become visible to her.

Even though it was very tragic, I now found this world quite wondrous. A person who commits suicide shuts himself out from every living thing in the universe. She now lived in a void in space, like I had experienced. Nothing, nothing in it, only she and her thoughts. She thought and walked, always on and on, year in year out. Still there would be an end! In her I saw all my grief and torments passing by again. Now that I observed this I began to understand my own life more clearly. How mighty it all was! Everything that had happened to me up to now was mighty and wondrous.

She had chosen poison, I the noose. When I thought of it I felt the stabbing pain coming up again. By thinking about them those pains returned and by thinking of other things they disappeared again. Remarkable was that sensing of things every time, but in this way I would go on. This situation had taught me to connect myself in various ways, that what was interesting to me, that I felt. The most extraordinary things came to me. In me came her life as soon as I wanted to think of her. I re-checked everything thoroughly, for by doing this I would learn. What came to me was tragic, but nothing could be done about it.

Over there walked grief and deep suffering, a human wreck! She was dead and yet she lived. But in her life she too was unaware of everything that surrounded her. She was blind and deaf, alone and left by all, she was a nothing. I sat down and continued to watch her. She went always further. Here walked a human problem that was nothing but misery and that only I knew. I could not express in words how I could see her. She was walking in the silence of her own grave, nothing could stop her. She too knew the meaning of the process of decaying. She had undergone the experience that her motherly and divine body had decomposed.

Oh, human, how did you come to do such a thing? Through love? Did someone break your heart? Did life on earth destroy you?

It could be so beautiful there, but the one person destroyed the life of the other. I had killed, but I had been forced to it. The most dear one to me was being besmirched. Who would be able to control himself then? And yet, now I knew, I should not have done it. The result was that Roni was dead and I landed in all this misery. But it was better not to think of it any more; it was past and I had fought my battle.

This poor woman was also making amends for her sins. But afterwards, where would she end up? Would she go deeper down into the darkness? That too I now understood. When she would have worked all this off, she would go directly to her destination. In a hell or a heaven she would arrive. Only then this life would begin for her and she would enter the real world. It all was excellently put together, it fitted like a glove. Those laws were God’s laws, nothing man could change.

Look at her go, the poor woman! I continued to watch her, but when I thought of other things she became invisible to me. Yet she was there, walking on and on, though I then could not see that hell any longer. Presumably there were innumerable invisible hells, like that, and later I wanted to get to know them. It was worthwhile to know everything of this life, how it was governed and how the people were who lived in it and what they had done to get there. I well understood that all of them were sinners. Higher attuned beings lived in a heaven. That was out of reach for me. Were there just as many heavens as hells? One day I would know all that too. It was all so enormous that it was hard to believe and yet now that I saw it all I had to accept it. She was wearing her earthly clothes, but how could that be? Didn’t she live in eternity? A new problem again!

Suddenly I looked at myself. How absurd that I had not noticed it before. I also wore my earthly clothes. Absolutely, it had not changed at all! How was this possible? Oh, what a miracle! I was dead and yet I wore my earthly clothes. They belonged to life on earth. I had not for a moment given it a thought before. But that too was understandable, for I would only experience what I thought of. It did not alter the fact that it belonged to the earth. I was not naked, I wore clothes, felt like on earth and yet I was spirit. It is miraculous, so I thought, how mighty God is, to provide man with everything and I began to feel a greater awe than ever for the Almighty. Was this a law too?

An extraordinary feeling flowed through me now that I knew and had verified these facts. These were miracles one could only experience in this life. It was all concentration, nothing else but thinking and feeling. I had to watch out for a thousand things. Whoever would have thought of that, for if I had not met her I would never have thought of it. Yet it was so natural and just because everything was so natural I did not think of it, it went unnoticed. How wondrous it was. When a person woke up here he would be wearing his earthly clothes. How this was possible I did not yet understand. I sat and admired myself and found myself an enigma. I had been here only for a short time and look at all the wonders and problems I had met already. With every step forward I experienced an other miracle, so that I never really got finished thinking about them.

Now I concentrated on the woman again and saw her immediately. She was a great distance away from me but still I saw her clearly before me. I too had been wearing this garment when I walked in that silence. Yet I had not paid attention to it and never noticed it. In future I must keep that well in mind for whatever I thought of came true; what I wished to see, meet or hear would happen. I felt very happy, for now I was prepared for the things to come. From here I watched her tight-lipped face and her walking on was terrible. Now that I was concentrating on her more intensely I could even feel her thoughts. By sensing her feelings, for that is how it works, I understood her fully. First the sensing and next I processed her feelings that reached me by way of thoughts. These thoughts were hers. It was her life and in this way I merged with someone else’s life. On earth this could not be done. One looked at a person as he was only on the outside, but the inner man remained hidden. Here, I sensed it clearly, were no secrets any more and man could not hide himself. I sensed and saw from within her life and this seeing and feeling was a miracle in itself. At the same time I realized that the human being on earth did not know himself. How many secrets there were in a human being! For that we should be thankful to God. Man possessed many qualities, but the qualities I now experienced were not known on earth. During his life on earth man was one great problem, here also, but in this life a person merges with those problems, no, one lives them. Man is a miracle and a problem!