THE CYCLE OF THE SOUL
Part II
The Spiritual Life

Jozef Rulof

World Wide Web version
© 2014 'De Eeuw van Christus'

I focussed my concentration on earth again and immediately the material world became visible. I did not want to follow that poor woman any longer, it would only disturb her.

‘Farewell’, I said to her, ‘farewell, poor unfortunate one! Perhaps we shall meet each other again.’

But eternity is a vast expanse, so meeting then would mean an other miracle.

Before me lay a city and this time I saw people everywhere, earth people. Wherever I looked I saw life. At long last I was back in the inhabited world and was soon swallowed up by the bustle of the city. How different from the time when I was living there in my material body was the earth now. Everything was wrapped in a haze, but I could see the people, buildings and what belonged to the earth very plainly. I roamed the streets, however, it was impossible for me to concentrate on one point. The change had been too drastic. I saw too many things and had to let this life sink in first. Now that I had come here I understood that the woman did not have to remain in this loneliness very much longer. She was already going over into this life and then this world would soon become visible to her. Undoubtedly she also would be very surprised.

I thought I recognized the city, for I discovered things that I had known before. Though much had changed I still recognized everything. If I had tuned myself in properly then I was in the city where I had lived. My thoughts had brought me back here.

I saw people who still lived on earth, but there were astral people too. I went right through one person, but collided with an other when I thought of him. All the astral people were dressed in earth type clothing and that solved one riddle for me. I had not imagined it for it was really true. It was very easy to distinguish an earth person from an astral one. The earthling was more solid, the astral one transparent, yet they looked as if they still lived on earth. I just could not understand why people knew so little about this life, for they were certainly clearly visible. The earthly human walked right through me and did not feel or see a thing of it. I myself stood inside of him and yet he did not feel me at all. Earthly man had not the slightest awareness of an other life. A thick haze lay around each earthly human being that imprisoned him like a spiritual wall. What this meant I had not yet figured out, so I recognized the material being. Then again I saw earth people as shadows, and others again were like very coarse-material. These I could see best and were the easiest to reach. I sensed that I could merge into their lives, if I but thought of them. However, I had to tune in on them finely and precisely, otherwise it would not work.

But it definitely was a mighty wonder that I had returned to the very place where I had lived. I wanted to try and learn everything about this life. Therefore I decided to stay on my own and not team up with others. It was also very unusual to observe how everybody went his own way. The earth- and astral people lived together which was like death and eternal life. Death and life were two problems for man on earth, but now I saw and felt that it meant life only. There was no death!

People on earth were spied on and pursued by man who had died. Whether they did good things or bad I did not know. But what I clearly felt and observed was that astral man was in all silence working at a plan, a plan that he and man on earth experienced jointly. I felt this, because I could see them moving along together. It was very wondrous to watch.

When I concentrated deeper I heard again the howling noise that meant passion and violence. When I concentrated on the human being again, then it was as if I sensed treachery come up in me. Here danger threatened, here one had to watch out. The life I was observing felt oppressive and frightened me. I now understood that earth was a hell.

Man on earth lived without knowing it in a spiritual hell. It became very obvious to me that hell lay in and around them, because their inner life contained darkness. Now that I had seen the shadowy figures I understood that they lived in a different hell from the coarser beings. From those who were so frightfully easy to see, fear and horror radiated for me. I now began to understand that fear, because for those beings I must watch out. Already I had also seen astral beings who looked more like beasts than human beings. It was scary to see them going along. They were not human any more, that name did not fit them, for they had shed all human qualities. Had these people gone down and become like beasts? It must be, for they were horrible. I thought I saw demons in them, for a green flashing light surrounded them. It radiated from their inner life, as I clearly saw. The greenish light was exactly like that of the demons who had lured me here. I intended to watch them anxiously and keep an eye on them. With those people I did not want to have anything to do. When I sensed them I felt lies, passion and betrayal. But most peculiar of all I was invisible to those people. They did not feel my presence and it was impossible for them to see me. When I found that out I dared approach them closer. But how beastly these people were I could not possibly describe. They were like pre-animal monsters with hands like claws and yet these beasts lived on earth. I did not follow this ‘animal’ any further, for I felt that I had better be careful on earth. I had to watch out for several things, but what kind of danger threatened me I did not know, however, what I sensed did not promise much good.

Therefore I followed my own way. A time would come when I would acquire the feeling for wanting to know more about these people, but for now other thoughts prevailed. I now sensed my own life and of that I wanted to know everything and quietly merge with this life. I would not yet be able to withstand many emotional situations. It was quite striking though that my own thoughts and feelings pushed me in that direction. A certain something led me there and so I would follow the voice of my heart. There was something in and around me that I felt intensely, but which remained invisible to me. Was I being sent in one direction? Well, I would wait and see and keep my eyes open.

At this moment I felt all the questions I had asked during my lifetime on earth return to me. Then my feelings of a moment ago had been right and clear. That spurred me on and I willingly submitted myself to this. All those earthly questions I would try to solve through and by my own self. For a long time I meditated on this and then I felt very strange.

Now that I had come back here I felt exactly as I did on earth during that period of time. These feelings then were apparently connected with my questions. In that time I lived in seclusion and now that urge returned in me also. I was the same, totally and in everything the same. It’s amazing, I told myself over and over again. This life is amazing. The more I thought of these things, the more my former personality traits reappeared. At the same time I realized that this in which I lived now was my hell. It was not so dark any more and I saw more light than when I entered. I had lost nothing, but I had not gained anything either. I was just like that time on earth.

In that time too I had felt no desire to meet people. It surprised me very much. Before I entered here I yearned to see and meet people and find entertainment, but suddenly those wishes were smothered. In my cell I had been burning with desire to see life, but now that I saw life and lived among it with people all around me, it left me indifferent. I understood how natural this life was, because I felt and lived it. Here a person could only be what he had in inner feelings.

In former times I had been in an unnatural situation and now I was natural again. I had brought myself into disharmony and those feelings dissolved. I had lived through them, so that I could return to my own life. Amazing, truly amazing this life is. I could not help repeating this all the time, for these were miracles. It was mighty, because my own life brought me back in harmony again. Yet I was still in disharmony with the whole, with the Almighty, with God, because I was living in a hell and that meant disharmony. For the Creator of all this I felt great awe. He Who could retain harmony in all those hells was all powerful in my eyes. Here everything regulated itself. Because I was life and signified life, it could reveal itself in me when I experienced it and all those wonders and problems passed through me and dissolved within me. I began to feel gratitude towards Him, that inscrutable God.

The houses, buildings and temples were enveloped in a haze, yet I saw them clearly. Through walls I walked, nothing could stop me, I went in and out, for nothing was closed to me any more. That too was a miracle in itself and so amusing that I repeated it several times. I found myself in and among people, but still they did not see me and heard me even less. I could hear them talk to other people and understood every word. But here I discovered a new sensation. Some people seemed far away, though they were actually close by. I could not follow their conversation very well and I thought I understood the reason for that. Their figures were invisible to me, others were just shadows and others again were very coarse, and them I could hear best of all. On the street too I had noticed it. The shadows I saw before me were holding a conversation and that talk from one person to the other was odd. I had to make connection with the person I could see best if I wanted to follow their conversation. The solution that I sensed was this: Some possessed a higher character than mine, they stood above me. The others were worse than I or had no possession. Whatever it was, I felt that this was the meaning for the occurrence.

As I said before I kept going one house in and out the next, but at last I stopped that for I wanted to start living my own life. When I came into the street – I felt the earth as I did of old – I heard a frightful commotion intermingled with cries. When I concentrated on it I felt what was happening. On the corner of a street a large crowd scattered and fled. These people were being attacked. I saw that they carried crosses and statues of the saints and I understood what was happening. This crowd was being broken up by the heathens. Blood of the christians was flowing in the street and it was they who had raised those fearful cries I heard. As usual, I thought, man does not change. Now that I was beginning to understand my own life and now that eternal life was becoming clear to me, I found this event even more horrible than when I lived here. This surely was not necessary! Horsemen rushed in on the christians and dispersed them. The christians too defended themselves, so that left and right the dead lay around me.

Before me I saw a wondrous scene. From where the astral beings came so quickly I did not know, but I saw the spirits taking away all the people who entered here after they separated with a jolt from their bodies. I found this a remarkable event. By the time I realized what had happened the silence had returned again. Christians and heathens each went their separate ways. A short but fierce fight it had been with a few dead and wounded. All this happened because of a religious belief. The astral people dissolved before my eyes. The only thing that reminded me of it was the street stained wit christian blood, for people were destroyed here. They had been killed for their religion; that’s why these people were struck down. Heathens versus believers and both were not aware of what they did.

Why all that hate really? Why did the head of the church allow this? The heathens were being provoked, and now they were all fire and fury. However, I did not spend long thinking about it and went on my way again.

When I tuned myself in on other people I heard them discuss the event. Their thoughts varied, one was in favour, the other against. When I continued to follow their conversation I found that great changes had occurred since I had died. I heard them say: ‘He is a follower of Sergius.’ Sergius, I thought, had been the head of the church in my time. Was there an other head today? I waited and listened for what more they had to say, but their conversation took an other direction and I moved away. I wanted to connect myself with other people for I wanted to find out what all this meant. Again I met an other procession in a street and once more the riders drove into the crowd and crushed them. Their moans reached me in this world and probably they went higher and higher until it would reach God. What God would think about it I did not know, but I found it horrible.

‘Death to Honorius’, came the shout from all sides. ‘Death to Honorius and damned be his God. A curse on him’, it went on.

I tuned in on the earth people and sensed in what period of time they were living. How was it possible, did I feel correct? Could a whole century have gone by? It seemed almost impossible, but yet I felt it distinctly.

When I was a child people talked about Benedictus, Johannes and Leo, and now it was Honorius. Once more I tried to make a close connection with them. However, it was the same, it could not be else, a century had gone by. But how was this possible? What had happened to me? I had been shut up in a dungeon, committed suicide, lived through the process of a decaying body and then fallen asleep. After waking up again I had lived for a long time in the silence. Did that take up a whole century? Was there one century between me and my past? I just could not believe that; but yet, when I probed them once again and completely merged with their lives I had to accept it. Understand, however, I did not and I decided to wait and see. Again I had experienced something strange, but I could not think of it as miraculous. At some future time I would find the answer; here, I felt, it would leave me in the dark. I must try and find the answer in my own life for it concerned me and it would be solved on this side. It belonged to the life of the spirit, though the event was part of the earth. I found it very sad that man ruined himself only for a belief, for God. Would that be God’s intention? That seemed unbelievable to me.

I continued along my way and would try to find my own home back again. I would like to know what was left of my house. But if I was to accept everything I had just observed, then Marianne was dead and lived on this side and my first feelings were correct and clear. But where would she be? I became very curious and wanted to know everything of my youth, if this were at all possible. Wherever I went I found them fighting. I had never joined others in such pursuits for on earth I only lived for my art. Still I had to join a church, or sooner or later I would have been imprisoned. People had fought already in early antiquity and men had not changed yet.

I followed the voice of my heart and kept going in the direction of where I had lived. Really, I began to recognize many things that were there in the early days. I lived close near the wall of Rome, one of the finest parts of the city. My own thoughts brought me back to that place. I saw that much had changed, but I could orientate myself sufficiently. The closer I came to my house, the louder I felt my heart beating. It was as if something strange would await me. At last I reached the spot where I had lived. Here I had killed Roni and met my Marianne again.

But what had happened? The place was levelled to the ground, nothing more was visible of my house. That was a terrible disappointment to me for I had not expected it at all. Maybe I was in the wrong place? I directed my concentration to my former possessions, but no, indeed, this is where I had lived, my concentration had been right. I did not understand it at all and sat down to think about it. It was as if the whole neighbourhood had been turned inside out, even nature had changed. Because of this disappointment I felt a stabbing pain in my heart and I was in a downcast mood now that I had to accept this finding.

Where was Marianne? She lived on this side and still she had not come to me.

‘Marianne, my child, are you dead? Are you living in an other hell or do you belong to the lucky ones? Did you arrive in a heaven?’

Would she possess a heaven? Was she that far away from me? It seemed too unbelievable, too unnatural to me. But she definitely was dead, for she could not have reached an age this old.

‘Why did you not come to me? Don’t you love me? Can’t you find the way to me?’

All these questions welled up in me. No, this was something I had not expected, there was nothing left of my earthly life; my life there had been for nothing. Would Emschor know where Marianne was at this moment? Who could solve this riddle for me? It was a mighty problem, that I could not solve by myself, it was inexplicable to me, for I felt that I was at odds with laws which I did not understand or know. Even though I felt very sad, I wanted to remain myself and not lose my head. But wherever Marianne was, even if she was in the deepest of hells, I would look for her and stay with her, never to leave her again. Such was the kind of love that lived within me and I was prepared to go to her, for I loved her, truly loved her. No other being could I love in that way.

When I was sitting, thinking all this over, I felt an other influence settle within me. It was stronger than I and it merged with my feelings, for any change in them I felt immediately. I felt myself grow weary and sleepy, something was happening to me. But what? The earth disappeared from my sight and I sensed that I was being connected with an other world. There below me some movement could be seen, something was taking shape. Did I see correctly? Was that my studio? Was I looking in the past? Of my house and everything else I had owned on earth nothing more could be seen. Now, however, I began to see the past. I not only saw myself, but also saw that I had started to work on the statue of Marianne. It was the moment that the old statue had toppled over and broken into bits and pieces and had disturbed my inspiration. I remembered this event very well and here I was being connected with it again. The past revealed itself to me, but what did it mean? Was I awake or dreaming? I touched myself, but no, I was wide awake, but something wondrous was happening here, that I not yet understood. I watched the moment that I swept the pieces together, so that I could get back to my work and not be hindered in my movements. What I now observed was a miracle, for I felt the tremendous jolt that caused the statue to crash and break. But I saw more!

From those bits and pieces shone a flashing green light that I had seen on earth, in the moment that I killed Roni. Had I then been surrounded by the powers of darkness and had they influenced me? I now had to call up all my strength to control myself. Presently I became calmer. I was also given aid with that for it was enormous what I began to see. The power that showed it to me was also the one that prevented my collapse. That force, I felt clearly, guided all this and me too.

Who was it that gave me these experiences? Who possessed the powers to connect me with the past? Was it Emschor? I felt now, that those terrible influences of a moment ago had destroyed my ability to think on my own and had that other power not come to my aid I would have collapsed.

Who had brought me that statue and placed the order? Oh, yes, it was a slender young man, an Egyptian. While I was thinking about this the vision changed and an other appeared. The moment when the stranger delivered the statue was played back to me. I recognized him clearly. That vision passed also. I thought that I recognized the greenish flashing light as a power from my dungeon. The demons had shown themselves to me in that light and that too I now understood completely. It made me feel that all my movements had been followed and that all this had to happen. That included the death of my friend as well as many other things and events that were not yet clear to me. The fear and the fever which I had felt then also belonged to it.

New problems piled on, but many of them I relived anew. Very likely it would all be cleared up for me. That demon who had destroyed me had already been in connection with me. I was certain of this and it was something I must accept. The influences of those terrible beings were still attached to the bits and pieces. This light which was of the devil and the light in my cell were of one and the same influence. But I must remain calm or I would get nowhere. How false were those forces, how treacherous that they could bring about these terrible things. Or was there an other meaning to this? I sensed, however, that everything had to do with these demons.

The statue had been of one of his relatives who had died long ago. It was sculpted in the Egyptian-Hellenic style. But I sensed more, one feeling followed another. However, what came to me now seemed incredible. I felt namely that I had something to do with that old statue, for I saw myself merge into that sculpture. In that old-fashioned style I felt myself. My first teachers had to break me of that style and they could never understand how I got it. But if all this were true, then perhaps the riddle of where I got my feeling for art, that was already present in my childhood, would be solved. Now I stood before a great human problem that I did not yet understand, but that had been on my mind during the whole of my former life. Oh, if only that riddle was solved, how happy I would be.

An other riddle was, how had that Egyptian managed to bring it here? How did he get that antique piece of art? My feeling for art, the old style and the sculpture in which I saw and felt myself were one. Something, an incomprehensible force, a power or whatever brought all this together, but which one? Was it in truth Emschor? Could he show me all these things? Did he have such power? I felt that I was now returning to myself and that a dense haze kept all this hidden. It was a pity, for I was so splendidly on the way to unravel all these secrets. But I was powerless.

Wondrously strange things I had just now experienced. Was I not allowed yet to find out the whole truth? Then I had better be patient and wait, I thought, and I felt that I should move on. But where to?

I would continue to follow this road and go to my dungeon. There it was that Marianne had visited me, perhaps there would be something to see too. I followed the voice of my heart that had shown me all of this and my feelings and thoughts brought me to the place where I had been locked up.