THOSE WHO CAME BACK
FROM THE DEAD

Jozef Rulof

World Wide Web version
© 2014 'De Eeuw van Christus'

I had known for some time that I would be allowed to return to you. It has given me the strength to hold my ground. Only this knowledge has got me through. How difficult it is for you to know so much about our life and yet to live on earth. But you are conscious, you see and feel, it would not be possible otherwise. Life on earth was a mystery to me, now I know this mystery, it is I myself. You can understand what this means to me. I now know that eternity already reigns on earth. Bearing this in mind you can stand everything and cope with it and I admire you, Jozef! It is wonderful to me that you hear and see me and that my words are written on paper. It will be a mighty story for I have a lot to tell and I shall begin with our conversation at the cemetery.

You know that I regret my words and you have forgiven me already. I knew that I had hurt you. I don’t know how it happened but I did it intentionally. I wanted to hurt your soul and yet I did not know why, which I found very strange. Now I understand. Influences were acting through me which desired to hurt you. A medium for this side has to suffer from them and will be continuously accosted. My mockery did not trouble you too much and everything you said was wasted on me like so many things that can enrich life on earth. I did not know any better, Jozef.

People often hurt each other intentionally or unconsciously, but mostly consciously and that is terrible. It is not until later that you sense how terrible it was, and everything becomes clear and you’ll begin to understand the problem. Then you feel deep within you the gap between you and that other human being. When you see and feel that you have abused a sacred phenomenon something deep within you begins to awaken. That happened to me on this side. Awakening like that causes much pain, you feel remorse which causes inner suffering, like whiplashes on your naked body. You long to make up for it and it causes much grief because you’re not able to. You have lost that opportunity and then you feel how far away you really are from them. You would like to crawl on knees to them but they are invisible. They live on this side in other and higher regions and are happy while the mockers live in the darkness where they will remain if they are not capable of making up for everything. And all the time you feel it and suffer for remorse, so that you might perish. This is how I felt when I understood: It is how people must have felt when they crucified God’s perfect Child. It is the everlasting truth that will teach people and make their heads bow when it is shown to them until their personalities have been broken down to the root. I felt respect for that great unknown Mightiness, for God. That is why I took back all my words and buried my old self. Now I know what spiritualism is and means, now that I am a spirit myself and alive.

When I left you at the cemetery I sat shivering and trembling on the wagon. I did not know why. I thought I had caught a cold, but wondered where it came from so suddenly, I found it most strange. It was not natural and I felt frightened. But why this fear so suddenly? Several thoughts went through my mind, but I could not find the answer. I thought it was your fault, through that cursed spiritualism and the dead. I continually had cold shivers and thought that something hot would do me good. Every time I thought back to you and I felt this fear rise in me.

In that way a few days passed, but I could not rid myself of that fear. Strange things went through my head. Suppose, I thought, that I had to die soon? If I live on, as he says, I’ll return to him and say: ‘Here I am’ and I’ll knock so hard that he won’t have peace in his own house.

Why I was so angry with you I still could not understand. I became more and more restless and my fear became more intense, so that I thought you had bewitched me. I wanted to come and see you but I did not get the opportunity. Who knows what would have happened, because I was beside myself. Could it be the dead, I wondered, that frightens me? No, because that’s nonsense, isn’t it? Several days passed but I remained in that inexplicable condition.

Then I felt ill, really ill, I felt I had a temperature but I ignored it. In this condition I lived the next few days while my fear increased. It was as if the devil was at my heels and all this I attributed to my conversation with you about spiritualism. I felt ever more restless and ill. It often happens that you are too ill to work but that you force yourself until you collapse. You have to work in order not to lose your job. So I dragged myself on and I just didn’t know what to do for my fear remained. One moment I blamed you, the next my illness. It remained a mystery and became ever more unnatural. I wished I had never called you over to me, I thought it was you who put that fear into me. It can’t be otherwise for immediately after you had left this terrible condition came over me. I asked for this fate. I should not have mocked. Though my fear increased I kept it to myself and tried to find our more about spiritualism.

When my friends and I had to wait I lead the discussion to spiritualism. I asked them if they knew anything about it. Some said that spiritualism caused nervous breakdown. There you are, I thought, that’s what has caused my restlessness. My nerves are upset merely because I talked about it with him. Should I who was not afraid of anybody become upset by that cursed rubbish? But I couldn’t relieve the fear and I began to think that I would lose my mind.

But now that I know and understand everything, Jozef, it is mighty and instructive and has a deep significance. I didn’t know any better and if I had known I would probably not have grasped the deep significance. Within me something was stirring, there was fear and that meant that I was soon going to die. I did not consider that for a moment, that reality was far from my mind. I attributed that indefinable feeling to my illness and all other things. Many people will experience something similar and if they do it means their death on earth. It was a warning, an inner voice that spoke to me, but which I did not understand, did not want to understand, because I rejected everything that had to do with this other life. Forces of nature were working and they had to do with me. Something within me was breaking, I was connected with a spiritual problem and that was my death on earth.

In this way many people will feel their death beforehand and yet will be unable to understand it because they are unnatural and have subdued these forces of nature. This is because we don’t want to learn about spiritual life. The eternal flame in us can’t burn because we don’t give it nourishment for the mind. The human being is then a living dead.

Do you know what I mean, why I was afraid and what that fear meant? How natural it is, and how profound? The feeling which I should have had to sense all this in advance you, Jozef, possesses. Your feeling, your inner life is attuned to this life. You and all people who have the same attunement are open to these forces of nature. It is a great happiness to possess this feeling. On this side it is light and light means wisdom of the spirit. How could I have been able to feel that spiritual action? For dead was dead to me! Deep within my soul I should have felt eternal life but I did not. Thousands of people won’t feel those forces and yet they are so near, within themselves. One can only feel this when one is prepared to break down one’s personality, to bend one’s head and to keep searching until one finds oneself. Then an other world will open and he will see beautiful landscapes, hear lovely music and feel the peace of the spirit. And is this not worth receiving it? To acquire this man should know himself, for deep within lies the eternal attunement. Old and young, rich and poor, learned and uneducated, we all have to learn, we are the children of one Father. The prophecy within me, which I felt and make me restless, this prophecy that I would die was lost through my lack of spiritual attunement.

Up to the last day I stayed on my feet and when I woke up in the morning it was to be the last day of my life on earth. But I must not run ahead of events. On the last day I worked and came home in the evening I went straight to bed for I had a temperature and felt seriously ill. I didn’t want to have the doctor called in, I did not like doctors. My wife advised me to call him but I kept refusing. That night I did not sleep a wink. I thought of you all the time and tossed and turned but I could not fall asleep. Then I began to realize that it was my illness that had upset me. In the morning my throat was so swollen that I could hardly breathe. The doctor had to come and see me. But when cosmic laws and powers put an end to our life on earth would a doctor have been able to save me if I had called him in advance? A question, Jozef, which many people will ask to which there is only one answer and that is: No! Strange, people will think, but it is the truth, the holy truth for it is God’s will.

I threw off the compresses which my wife had applied around my neck because they made me choke. After the medicine the doctor had administered I slept for a few hours and I woke up feeling a bit better. I was already sorry that I had not called him earlier. How obstinate and stubborn one can be. This stubbornness made me unmanageable and it has cost me a lot of struggle on this side. Half an hour later I felt much worse, I could not keep my eyes open, my throat was burning and I had a high fever. My whole body was burning as if it was on fire, so that I realized my condition was rapidly deteriorating.’

Gerhard paused for a moment and said after a short while: ‘I must concentrate hard, but everything is fixed on a spiritual film and this film is being unwound by the master. Nothing has been lost. It contains my whole earthly life. I am supported, I could not have told this on my own for I’m not a linguist. But where there’s a will there’s a way.

In the afternoon the doctor came back and shook his old and wise head. Apparently he did not know what to do. I heard everything that was said, I was aware of what was going on around me. Evening came. I thought that my head was about to burst, but I kept calm and started thinking. The fear which I had not felt that day returned and I understood that I was going to die. I wanted to speak and tell my family, but I couldn’t. Oh, the agony, wanting to say that you are going to die and not be able to speak. I’ll never forget that terrible inner struggle. I did not want to sleep even if it had been possible, neither did I want to die. I hated death and everything related to it.

I saw everything around me enveloped in a haze and in that haze I saw shadows. When I observed those shadows I wanted to scream, but I couldn’t. I lay there powerless and couldn’t move. It was horrible for my fear became unbearable. The shadows walked around my bed, up and down, imperturbably. I clearly saw lips talking to me which I could not understand and eyes looking at me, devouring me, questioning and laughing at the same time. Then I saw that the shadows were human figures which made me shudder. They were floating around me, above and below me but however much I tried I could not see them clearly. They remained indistinct wrapped in a haze and they were going to spoil my last hours on earth. At least, so I thought, for I was told later in the spheres that they were the brothers from the side beyond who come to fetch the dying. With all my strength I tried to keep calm and subdue my fear.

Everyone who is conscious to the last will see shadows. This is the connection with the life on the side beyond. He begins to feel spiritual life, he passes over into it and this process is gradually taking place. It is the departure from the earth, life on earth is discarded and you pass on to where the shadows live. However, the process of dying differs for millions of people because these people feel and are different. Every person has his own level and individual condition and he will experience his passing on to this world according to his feelings and the love he has. For one this will be happiness, light, love and warmth, for another terror. But one thing is the same for all – and everyone will experience this – they will all arrive here alive.

When my end drew near, the shadows became clearer. I saw that they were people, people like you and me and thousands of others. I wanted so much to tell this to my family but I couldn’t, my throat was closed up and I had no power over my material body any more. I saw my wife and child and heard them cry and then to know that I had to die! An unbearable feeling came over me for I was still unable to move, so that I thought I would become mad. I lay there motionless but my mind was working and suffered immensely. I was aware of everything and yet I had to depart from the earth. It was driving me mad for I did not want to die, I was still so young. I became frustrated and excited because I could not speak. But I had to, I tried to sit up which I could not either. Nobody around me felt anything of my terrible struggle. My chest twisted and my heart thumped in my throat, yet I was conscious of everything which I remained until the last second. Shortly before the end I could suddenly sit up. Where this strength came from so suddenly I did not understand. This too was explained to me on this side where I learned about the working of inner life in those hours. I wanted to tell them that I was going to die and I uttered some sounds. They did not understand me, they did not know what I was saying.

Through all this misery I could still think. Then I called for you, only for you, because the mystery revealed itself and I thought I understood it. Suddenly it became clear to me that these shadows drew and painted through you. Thousands of thoughts rapidly rushed through my mind, I could not stop them. I gathered all my willpower and wanted to speak, but it was as if my throat was torn. I thought of my life on earth, of my family and friends. I did not want to die and resisted. Through all this I felt my end drawing near. If I had closed my eyes and relaxed peacefully I would have died in peace, in spiritual peace. But as I said just now, I did not want to, I hated death.’

Again Gerhard paused a moment and I saw that he was deeply lost in thought. His hands pressed upon his forehead and bent forward he stood beside me. What was going on within him just now?

After a moment he said: ‘I was lost in thought and you felt it. Now I come to the end of my life on earth. I’m going through this terrible struggle again and I have to concentrate very hard for it. I must be able to express myself clearly, otherwise it is of no use and the beauty of it will be lost. For beautiful it is, in spite of the terrible event. Calling for you was the last thing I did on earth. At least if it was speaking, it was more like a hoarse cry, a frightening sound. At that moment I passed away. I felt myself sink and I thought I was falling into a deep ravine. There seemed to be no end to it and while falling my mind worked very fast and my entire life on earth passed before me until the moment I fell and died. Then I thought I was torn apart, I felt a terrible shock, my spiritual body left the material and I became free. I shouted for help, but in vain. Then I became dizzy and sank away deeper. I lost consciousness and I was dead for the earth. To the earth I had died, but I was born in the spirit, I lived in the spirit and that meant eternity.